WARNING:  The following story may cause feelings of jealousy, envy, and regret.  We don’t apologize for this.

New Year’s Eve:  just a reason to get drunk?  But how many times can you accomplish that and still enjoy it?  Maybe you’re a little older now and have started tiring of the same old thing.  The hassles of getting a sober driver, of paying cover to sit in a smoky lounge listening to loud music and having to yell in your companion’s ear, of having people trash your bathroom or living room, or just the feeling that you didn’t get your money’s worth from the whole damn weekend.

So let me tell you what a group of people over at Adventurtainment.com did last weekend to end the year with style.

Our friend and Godfather of re-creating recreation, Evan, contacted us here at East Jesus and asked if he could bring some responsible adults to our little Disneyland in the desert.  We of course denied him and explained that only freedom loving folks who can shed the urban constrictions are allowed to enter.  He checked and replied that he could find said peoples.

So the convoy of vehicles led by his off-road monster arrived in the early afternoon.  You could already see the looks on the faces pressed against the glass as they entered the compound.  Circling their wagons and exiting onto the soft sugar sand they found it difficult to not let their eyes wander. It’s a lot to process in one glance  and even then you can be distracted by another shiny object d’ art.  But they gamely gathered round the tour guide for a walk thru the sculpture garden (touching allowed) and laughed at the appropriate pauses.

One of the great things about the garden is when you hear people exclaim “Oh, my God, look at that!” or when you see the admiration of the patience it took to glue over 10,000 individual pieces to a car to make it one of a kind.  From the mannequin heads hanging upside down on the inside of the roof of the art car Flivver to the mammoth made of used tires you can get a shared feeling of appreciation for the artist’s efforts.  There is nothing better than shock and awe to complete a sunny afternoon.

“So now with the tour complete we will allow you to set up your camps.  Anyone who wishes to stay in Walter, the buried bus, the Sunset Suite located 5 feet above the desert or our double-decker camper please follow me.  For those who have no problem pitching a tent, there is a firing range with targets located in the wash and a traveling tattooist with brand new, clean equipment starting work in the back RV.  At this time we will accept your donation of food and beer for the cook to start his work and dinner will be around 5:30”

Ah, the sharp sound of gunfire, the gentle ping of cranberry sauce cans exploding and the melodic screams of tattoo victims; it must be Saturday.

Of course dinner is served a little late but no one seems to notice as the table is actually bending in the middle under the weight of the victuals.  Marinated tenderloins and barbequed chicken, sauteed vegetables and rice dishes, enough food for a small army and a hungry group of dogs to prevent anything from hitting the floor.

Dinner is eaten around the fire and we broke out the projector and a sheet to show movies of Charlie and some of Flip’s videos.  Whether it was the great food or the cinematic display I couldn’t say but there was a peace and calm that settled over the area.  There was also a few tears shed while listening to “Bury Me in Whiskey” by those who knew the song’s history and what it meant to Charlie, and then we closed to the opening sounds of the talent show at the Range.

That’s when the next tour guide took over and escorted everyone off to the stage.  Then from there over to investigate the SPAZ kids camp and the all-night rave. Everyone made it safely back at midnight for the champagne toast and then piled into the low riding recreational vehicle for the jaunt down to the hot springs.  There to find that two of our guests, returning Iraq war vets, had never, ever been skinny-dipping. Luckily they were game for the new experience and we were doubly lucky that they were attractive women.

The night finally died down after 2 a.m. with couples going off to make their new year promises’ and finally turning off the lights on another chapter of East Jesus history.

Chasterus was happy. Everyone slept well, dreamed of the future.